You're so nebulous sometimes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
