how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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