Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
