...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
