My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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