brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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