My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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