I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
