"it" just moved
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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