At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Houston, we have a blender
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
