i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
