He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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