i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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