Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
