im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
