Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
