I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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