im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
