She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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