I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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