All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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