Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize