She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
