If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
