Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
