Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
