??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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