I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
