I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
