Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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