I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
