I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
