Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
