He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
