im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
