the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
