You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
