This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
