Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He? As in you personified your dick?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
