I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
