Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
