Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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