I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
