Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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