you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
