There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
