i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
