So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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