smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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