I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
