We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
