you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
