oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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