um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
