what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
