This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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