So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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