You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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