I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
