I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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