found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Randomize
