he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize