Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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