Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
