We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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