cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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