You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
