I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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