Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
